As soon as I get home, I'm starting a line of fragrances: Eau de Backpacker.
A complex, bright mildewy scent with undertones of sweat and week-old pastry crumbs, and a subtle lingering finish of an unnameable yet exotic Old World train station. Perfect for those moments when you're just too comfortable at home and yearn for the spirit--and smell--of life on the road. Because "you reek" is just your friends' way of saying "I'm jealous of your far-flung journeys and general adventurous spirit."
And coming soon:
The Wandering Sole Pedicure Salon. Are your feet too pampered and healthy? Do you long for the blisters, calluses, funghi, and general grime that accumulate during long periods of travel? Come in to Wandering Sole and let us un-pamper you! By the time you leave, all of your comfort will be washed and bashed away, leaving you as achy as if you'd just climbed Kilimanjaro.
Walk in, hobble out! ... We'll even stamp and mangle your passport!*
*Extra fee applies; payable only in zloty.